The Bombs Bursting In Air

Last night around 9pm, I heard what sounded like an explosion. This was followed by more thunderous, booming racket. The animals heard it too and they scattered in fear, confusion, and curiosity. Phoenix, of course, was the first to find the source of noise.

I found him staring intently out the back window at fireworks lighting up the sky. He couldn't take his eyes of them - crazy cat. My first thought was, "Who the hell is shooting off fireworks on a Sunday night in September?!?!" Then I remembered...it's September 11, 2011.

I stood in silence and awe, watching the show as it kept going on and on. And I found myself hearing these words in my head:

"And the rockets red glare, the bombs bursting in air
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there"

Have you ever really listened to the words of that song? I mean really thought about them and what it meant to people when they were written? We're so far removed from that revolution, that unfaltering demand for freedom, that we often take it for granted - I know I do. Last night, I most certainly did not. Sure there were tons of TV and radio shows about 9/11, articles online and in the paper, but none of them moved me as much as this simple declaration of liberty.

Things Mark Does to Try to Get My Attention While I Watch The Game

Mark and I are a mixed couple. He is not a football fan. I am a fanatic. He has improved over the years and somewhat learned to accept my rabidness when it comes to my Huskers and the excitement I have for college football in general. He can't stay interested in an entire game.

Last year, I started keeping track of the annoying things he does during games just to get me to pay attention to him. It's too soon to tell whether I will need to continue that this year. In honor of the first Husker game of the season, this is one of my favorite lists from last year.

The Game: Nebraska Cornhuskers vs. Missouri Tigers

The Date: October 30, 2010

The Deeds:

1. Let our indoor cat, Phoenix, out.
2. Brought the neighbor's cat in.
3. When I got up during a commercial to put the neighbor's cat back out, he locked the door thinking it would be funny.
4. Despite repeated requests that he start the grill during the 2nd quarter so it would be ready at halftime, he didn't start it til halftime and then gave me a hard time about not helping him with the food when the coals were finally ready during the 3rd quarter.
5. Let the dogs out on the front porch (with a barrier blocking the entrance so they were at least fairly secure) and then came back inside, leaving them unsupervised.
6. Brought me his laptop with a game set up for me to play in case I felt like doing that during the game.
7. Tried to dress our dog, Maddie, in his clothes.
8. Shut the armoire door blocking the TV.
9. Stood in front of the TV.
10. Engaged in nearly non-stop inane chatter.

Been there

I went through a heavy drinking phase in my life. And it was just that - a phase. Sure, I still drink, sometimes even to excess. But, after I eventually survived the hell that I drank to ignore and escape, I no longer needed to be that person. I no longer wanted to be that person. She was fun up to a point. Then she was just a pain in the ass, a joke, a hassle. I'm lucky I had great friends who loved me enough to stand by me when I acted that way. I'm sure I was a handful to say the least. I just don't understand the desire to be that person all the time although I see people like that a lot. Some of them are going through a difficult time in their life like I was. Others seem to have chosen this as a way of life. They're the ones I don't understand. When I was like that, I still woke up feeling horrified and humiliated knowing the things I'd said and done, or worse, not knowing. For me, there was nothing worse than waking up and not remembering the night before. That feeling was not something I wanted to repeat on a regular basis. Who wants to be that person? I'd rather be aware of my life.

My Sweet Mimi

I usually say that I don't believe in love at first sight, but that's not entirely true. It happened to me once - on May 8, 1992. This fluffy little furball came through my front door and I was overcome with the most intense feelings I ever experienced before or since. I have had other pets, friends, boyfriends, even a husband and I have loved them all deeply, but nothing quite matches the feelings I have for my Mimi.

She was only 6 weeks old and couldn't even get up and down the stairs by herself because they were so much bigger than she was. For her first few weeks, every time she had to go out (and puppies go out a lot!), I had to carry her. I never cared if I had to wake up to do it or rush home from somewhere. She was worth it. She was smart as a whip, playful as child, mischievous as the devil, and loving and loyal as all dogs.

Unlike a lot of people, I have not sugar-coated her rottenness in my memory. She was just awful in her early years. And she reveled in her wickedness. Her favorite game was to find new ways to escape the yard to go on adventure. But first, she would stand on the other side of the fence, waiting for me to notice that she had gotten out yet again. She would let me get close enough to reach her. And then, with a mischievous gleam in her eye, she'd take off like a shot.

In her 15 years, she went through more health problems than she deserved - epilepsy, cancer, eventually losing a leg. But she never lost her sense of mischief. Indeed, it didn't make as many appearances in her final year, but she still trotted out the occasional trick. She had two favorites. She loved to look at some mysterious spot on the ceiling. She'd look and look and then look at me to see if I was looking too. Eventually I would look and then, I swear, she'd laugh at me! She would open her mouth and pant and get that evil gleam in her eye and I'd know I'd been had.

She also devised a trick for getting extra treats. She used my other dog, Maddie, as her wingman. She'd send Maddie in to soften me up by being cute and acting like she needed something. Mimi would hang back and watch. About the time that I was completely confounded by what Maddie wanted (food, water, outside, toys?), Mimi would come in to close the deal with her most irresistible charms. As soon as I'd ask her what she wanted, she'd run to the kitchen and head for the treats. Then I'd ask her to show me what she wanted and she'd lie down, her usual trick to earn a treat. Got me every time!

In the end, she made it so easy for me. I would have hung in there with her as long as things were still OK for her no matter what I needed to do for her. On Sunday, June 24, 2007, I knew something was wrong right away. She didn't look like herself. As the day progressed she wound down further and further. By night time, I brought my pillow out to the living room and stayed up with her all night. We laid side by side on the floor just looking into each other's eyes. We only slept for about 15 minutes. I took her out at one point and let her feel the cool grass and the summer breeze one last time. In the morning I took her to the vet as soon as they opened. She was barely hanging on, but we had time for our goodbyes. I made sure that my face was the last face she saw, my voice was the last voice she heard, and my hands were the last touch she felt. I had always promised her that I would take care of her until her final breath and, oddly enough, it was the easiest thing I ever did. But living without her is still the hardest.

In those last moments, I finally truly understood the line M'Lynnn says in Steel Magnolias after her daughter's funeral, a line I now consider one of the most beautiful ever written. "I was there when that wonderful creature drifted into my life and I was there when she drifted out. It was the most precious moment of my life."

While remembering Mimi is always bittersweet, today I will try to think only of that first day she came to live with me. The tears I cried as I first held her knowing that I would never love anyone as much and knowing that someday I would have to say goodbye; the laughter as I watched her trying to hop over my legs and getting high-centered on her round puppy belly; the absolute all-consuming warmth that washed over me as I realized I had met the true love of my life.

Potential

I have been having a nagging thought lately...what if I have already achieved my full potential and it's all downhill from here? More to come when the thoughts organize themselves...

Nerd Deluxe

I already knew I was a nerd. This is not news. But last night I had a dream that I believe elevated my status. I was playing a board game called Grammar Deluxe. That's right...this was not just the plain old version of the classic Grammar game. It was the deluxe game!

Of course, now that I'm awake, I'm trying to flesh out the game because I actually am dying to play it. Mark says it's my million dollar idea. I'm not so sure about that, but I kinda could see the game being available on ThinkGeek or some such spot. Hmmmm...maybe a copyright is in order.

Until then, this is the Nerd Deluxe signing off.

Idiots, dear idiots, how you entertain me

Just ran across today's hysterical idiot moment. I am endlessly entertained (and annoyed) by people that get words and grammar wrong, especially when they are trying very hard to look smart. Just stick to the small words, people.

The word for today is rampid. According to the writer, the flu was running rampid in her school. I guess that means it was going on unchecked and doing it really, really fast!